Mary Louise Eklund

Category: Coffee Thoughts

Some People Are Just Obnoxious

Image from US National Archives as a member of The Commons on Flickr. No known copyright restrictions.

This isn’t the post I planned for today but it’s the post I encountered. I ran to the local grocery to pick up a few things for the next few dinners (burritos tonight – gazpacho & pasta salad tomorrow). My list took me all over the store getting an item here and there. While waiting at the deli for their tortellini (for the pasta salad) I encounter a woman grilling a deli work on the contents of some pre-made salad. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s bad for a customer to ask questions. However, it’s who you ask and how you ask that can go from customer seeking service to obnoxious person. This deli worker had the lamented recipe card and was attempting to answer the queries. Honestly I was impressed they made the stuff there on site and the person dishing was involved in the making. Cudos store! However, said woman wouldn’t wait for the answer but instead barked another question and looked as if she thought the worker was trying to lie to her. I moved on having been served by another worker and gave a sympathetic smile to the man in the white hat holding the lamenated card doing his best at being drilled over salad.

Later I was in the meat department. I made my selections I hear a scathing voice say “So are these the ones you normally gouge us $6.00 a pound for?” I glance over my shoulder and yes, you guessed it! It’s her. Oh had she has 3 pounds of potato salad in her cart so I guess deli guy passed inspection. The butcher stands at attention with hands folded behind his back, I kid you not. As the woman leans over packaged custom made gourmet burgers from the meat department on sale. “M’am we usually charge $6.50 per pound for those as they have bacon and cheese in them. The $6.00 per pound are the seasoned beef ones. However both are on sale today for $5.00 per pound.” She squints at him. “Why? Are they going bad from the holiday weekend?” I make my selection and start moving on but as I push my cart I hear… “No m’am we make them fresh this morning. This stamp tells you the date…” I catch a woman’s eye as I move on she rolls her eyes at the poor butcher standing at attention, I smile and shrug. Whatcha gonna do when in the retail industry but deal with customers.

I enjoyed my time in the dry goods and dairy without any grating voices or being spectator to any interrogations of staff. However I did have to get some crusty bread at the bakery for dinner tomorrow. As I go ponder just what kind of bread I want and how much (I’m still getting used to shopping for two not two with a teenage boy)… I hear “BUT the ad shows chocolate ones! Get the head baker I want to speak to him NOW!” Yep there she is! The stocker dutifully runs off to fetch the baker and is thrilled to leave the snarling customer I am sure. The baker,who is a woman not a him, arrives just as I head to the checkout lane.

As I am finishing up my transaction there’s a cart banging on the conveyer belt before the register. I look up and it’s her. She’s banging her cart against the frame “BOY, oh bag boy come unload my cart. I can’t because I can’t bend over.” I wanted to say “You seemed to bend just fine looking for a chocolate one in the bakery.” (one what I’ve not a clue but oh well). The young man at the register turns to her. “He’s finishing up with this lady’s order then he’ll be right with you.” He turns to me and smiles as he waits on the receipt to finish printing out coupons generated.

“Tell him I want plastic bags in paper ones and pack lightly!” She says despite the bagger is just 10 feet away. He looks up at me and I say it’d fine don’t bag the soda’s they are easier to carry in the six packs. He smiles gratefully.

As I claim my cart I hear the woman ask. “I forgot my coupons for these can I get the coupon price and bring them to you later.” The cashier turns to look at me with a ‘please kill me now’ look on his face, I chuckle sympathetically and smile. “Good luck!”

On the drive home I thought about it. Really it’s fine she wanted to know what’s in her potato salad, if the burgers were ground chuck or sirloin, if the product was available in chocolate… all legit questions if you have them. However there’s a right way and wrong way to ask a question and get an answer. First off, remember people working retail aren’t your servants just because it is their job to serve you. Second kindness to those who help you costs nothing but yields so much. Third you can ask people available and not demand their supervisor, if they don’t know the ask them to please find out. I was taken aback that she expected to get a special price on something without her coupons. Gods forbid the deli worker, butcher or baker make an error and ask her to make accommodations. However if she makes one the store should take extra special actions for her.

Bottom line in this for me is two fold – treat those you encounter in service industry as humans like you because they are. Treat them as you would want to be treated should you be in that job. Second – the customer isn’t always right and sometimes every other customer in the store knows which one is in the wrong.

September 4, 2014
Squirrels Are Getting Out of Hand

Image From Page 282 from Internet Archive Book Images as a member of The Commons on Flickr. No known copyright restrictions.

This is the first year of gardening without having a dog. What do the two have to do with one another? Well, read on and learn how a dog lazing in the yard helped the garden’s yield.

It all started this spring when Mike was ranting that the rabbits were eating the peas down to the dirt. (Yes my husband does a great Mr. McGregor of Peter Rabbit fame impression.) However one day when I was going to the garage I spotted the real culprits – not rabbits but baby squirrels.

Cut to earlier this week. I was sitting here at my desk working. My office window was wide open as it was a warm day. Outside I hear messy eating sounds, slurping, smacking… I look and on the end of our fence near my window sat a large squirrel holding one of our good big red tomatoes just eating away. He’d hit a seed pocket and SLURP it up then look up with seeds on his cheeks and a pink tongue darting about to clean his whiskers.

Then yesterday again heading to the garage I scared a passel (yes you fellow Southerners know how many I mean, the rest of you it’s kinda like bunch) of squirrels from the garden. Some chomping roma tomatoes, others nibbling peppers – heck one had the guts to take a whole big bell with him while his compatriot ran off with a green beefsteak tomato!

It’s bad enough that they are raiding us blind of veggies and our rabbit fence does nothing to stop this climbing buggers – but now they are waking me at three am with their arguments, drunken singing or whatever in the hell it is that possesses squirrels to scream and chitter amongest themselves at that hour! I kid you not! I can set my clock by it. There’s barking like calls, then chirping, then screams followed by barking again. Mike says Mr. Squirrel comes home drunk and Mrs. Squirrel is giving him what for. It reminds me of the BBC ad where the ground squirrel keeps barking “Allen, Allen” then he says “That’s not Allen that’s Jack! Jack, Jack, Jack…”

We’ve had issues before with them. One year when our apple tree had hard knotting apples due to the drought, they threw the apples at us. No, really I’m serious. They would sit on the awning over the back door and when we opened the door drop the apple that would roll down and hit us in the head or shoulders. We learned that season to just wait a moment for the apple to fall before proceeding out the door.

Now back to the dog and the garden, you see when we had a dog the squirrel raids were limited to the apple tree. The doggie scent about the yard kept them from dining upon the produce. Now dear Belle is long gone and this is the first summer without Rappy… and the squirrels are taking over.

As I’m typing this I see one run the phone line with a small pepper in his mouth. I hope it’s a ghost pepper and it burns his mouth and gives him heart burn all night long – as long as he doesn’t shout about it at midnight to wake me twice tonight…

August 22, 2014
Pulling Focus On My Own Life

Journalist Lucy Morgan With Video Camera and Phone from Florida Memory State Library and Archives of Florida as a member of The Commons on Flickr. No known copyright restrictions.

Let’s start with defining what pulling focus is:

Pulling Focus

The process where the camera operator adjusts the lens to compensate for the movement of the main object of the shot to maintain focus on the subject.

Now hang with me because using this metaphor is how I see life at times. A big blockbuster with lots of plots and subplots and a camera following each one pulling focus on that aspect’s center image. Work = writing, Hobbies = Beading, Parent = Aaron, Wife = Mike, Pets = Furry boys and so on. I’m the producer and director of this mega blockbuster. I determine who takes the lead in the story right now and how to cut together all the aspects so it’s the story I want my life to tell. When an area loses focus – well time for me as the director to step in, evaluate what I’m shooting and straighten it out. Life is always in motion and goals are too, if focus isn’t pulled then the subjects own movement and the movement of the objects around it will cause the shot to become unfocused. It takes work and concentration to pull focus on the main subject of the shot so that they are always sharp.

That’s what I think of when I periodically evaluate how I’m doing (I don’t go around asking people like Koch did, I just think about it). Recently I did that in the shower where I do my best thinking. Something about water on the head helps I think. Any way I saw my work life was losing the focus I wanted. For me in my life right now I want to pull focus on my writing. I want to be a writer, a free lance writer. That’s where the focus of work life should hold as I move through life. Some how it got off and was out of focus. I’d over committed myself in other areas so that the shot was too wide, too general and not sharp. I had to make some changes, just tweaks really to pull focus to what I wanted to be the star of that camera’s shot – my writing.

So I realized a few things – one I want to and love blogging regularly. Doing the five times a week was the most creative time for me recently. Blog posts warmed me up for a day of work on the novel I pitched at the writer’s convention. I actually finished it and pitched it and am still waiting to hear from some agents. Then I lost focus… So I’ve done some changes – cut back in some areas so they didn’t intrude into the work shot. I took action to set up a great on-line beta group to give me chapter by chapter feed back as I work on polishing that novel. I’ve got an alpha reader for my first draft novel in process and as you can see I’m coming back here more frequently.

The shot is improving. All the changes go into effect in September and I hope as the focus sharpens I’ll be back here more often and eventually on a regular basis. Also hope that I sell a novel in the next year and get the second out on chapter beta rotation as I work on a third. Yes revealing plot to plan shots – all the while pulling focus on writing in the work life camera. Life is hard and directing your own life is even harder but well worth the effort to make a great life for yourself.

Mr. DeMille my worklife is ready for it’s close-up…. at the end of September

August 20, 2014
Nanu-Nanu! Robin Until We Meet Again

2010 Black Hills South Dakota – photo by me

I think my reaction to the new of Robin William’s death is the same of most of my generation. The manically funny man we met as an alien on Happy Day, loved as transvestite Nanny, caring doctor, entertaining war radio host, our generation’s Fisher King is gone. We are stunned to have such a stalwart companion that made us laugh gone.

Many are asking how could he? Depression that’s how. But he had everything! And still battled depression. If he only knew who loved love, had felt this outpouring that’s happening! It might not have mattered – that’s depression.

As someone who has battled depression on some level for many years I felt for him and his family. I’ve never been suicidal. Thank goodness I can say that. Many with depression cannot. However I can see falling that far down the rabbit hole. I had something in me that didn’t, though bent and at time feeling broken never gave way.

You see depression isn’t sadness it’s an aching void. It’s deep pain of nothingness except the ache to feel again. You want to know happiness, you know you should feel it but eh – nothing. Tears come but truly they are hollow wanting a good reason for someone like you with all the benefits you have to feel this way. A reason. Finally, you either reach out to all those hands reaching in to help and begin to find the way out or you fall deeper.

It’s not a one time process. Think of learning to walk – you didn’t walk until you ready no matter how much your family wanted you to. They could hold you up on your feet and drag you along but if you weren’t ready as soon as they let go DOWN you went. When the child is ready to try one help up doesn’t put them on their feet running. There are many starts, falls, stops and goes again. Same with people under treatment for depression. Also just as a devastating injury can cause a person to learn to walk again – a devastating injury (psychological or physical) can send someone with depression back to that spiral.

Robin couldn’t reach out again, learn to walk yet again, stand ever again. The soul gets tired, woefully tired in depression. I understand that. I ache for him and wish someone, anyone could have handed him just what he needed to reach out one more time. But would he have taken it? seen it? known it for what it was?

As for me I’ve learned some self care. That I need this and that. I’ve learned to evaluate myself and not be too proud to allow people who want to help me – help me. I’ve learned it’s better to admit I what I need than fall down again. I’ve learned with these skills and medication when needed I don’t have to soul tiredly empty. I have learned to see the hands reaching out to help and grasp them. Sure sometimes I forget, get a case of do-it-myselfs but then I get over it because somewhere in me a voice always whispers ‘this too shall pass, nothing lasts for ever joy or void.’ Then I know I want to see what’s next.

I think artistic people stand with one foot on confidence boarding on arrogance to think we have a story to tell that others want to hear, or that he could make people laugh and forget their troubles for a moment, or create a painting that makes people think, or make a photo that changes how someone sees the world. That’s what an artist believes deep in the root of their being. But the other foot is stands on the darkest self-doubt there is one that questions if they not only have value as an artist but as a person. Move both feet to either one and you’re in trouble. Move both feet to either one and art suffers. Creative people explore both often simultaneously because that is what the world is made of, light and dark, joy and sadness, black and white – and everything between each of those opposites. It knowing that others help us keep the right balance there on those two poles. It is knowing that life happens right there between those poles.

My heart aches that Robin lost his balance. The world dims a moment when the bright ones pass. But we need not look to the void to see or wonder about Robin – his gifts are in the light, the smile, the laughs, and those stupid rainbow suspenders I wore in 8th grade. Shazbot! Robin we will miss you but dearly hope you found what you need on the other side of this life. Thanks for all the joy you gave millions, we just wish you could have taken a smile from us in return.

August 12, 2014
Emmy Awards – My Take On Drama

So the best place I’ve watched a movie this year was on deck of a cruise ship at sea in the Caribbean.

I swear some day will come I’ll move back into my blog. **pats dust covers on the furniture** So that’s another photo I made up there – back on the cruise. Not only have I not blogged – I’ve not made photos much since then. (frowns at that).

So this is a quick I’m still alive post that needed a theme…. Taking cue from a friend and putting my spin on it here’s my thoughts on the major Emmy nominations. You will see how behind I am on TV stuff too! LOL!

(more…)

August 5, 2014
A Good Foundation Through Education

Pantheon interior by Ames Lai. Used under the Creative Commons 2.0 Attribution, non commerical, no dervis license granted.

I was just thinking about “what is a good basic education?” I mean beyond mastery of reading, writing, and arithmetic? (We won’t go into how poorly or well that is. Topic for another post.) I do think another very important part especially for those of us who are products of the Western world is a grounding in the classics – not just lit, but art, history, and architecture. I think a good basic education means you can recognize world renowned buildings – like Parliament, Kremlin, Machu Picchu, Great Wall, Sydney Opera house, Parthenon, White House, Hatshepsut’s Mortuary Temple at Deir el Bahari, the Pantheon, etc. Not only should be able to name them but tell why they are significant be it historical or architecturally or socially.

Which brings me to my morning coffee thoughts. I was surfing Pinterest as I do. (I have to limit it to my morning coffee time and breaks). There I saw a photo pinned under architecture as “the Forgotten Temple of Lysistrata“. Which I thought odd on several levels – the obvious one “Hey that’s the Pantheon’s dome, arches, and oculus” which led to the morning pondering. The more obscure one is Lysistrata is an ancient play about the battle of sexes, so why would there be a temple to a comedy? Now I don’t expect everyone to know that. But know the Pantheon on sight – yep I guess I expected that to be part of a basic historic education.

You see the Pantheon was the first understanding that arches in a series made a dome that would not need support in the center offering a large open interior space. Even my bumpkin small high school education taught me that. It was something that was modified and used later in the Medieval Period to make wall of glass and cross shape of cathedrals in the form of the flying buttress. Again I accredit my tiny country high school for the knowledge.

Next I quizzed Mike who has been to the Pantheon and doesn’t have as strong classical education as I got. “Would you recognize the interior of the Pantheon if you saw it photoshopped into another picture?” His answer “No, but I’d recognize the ugly outside of it.” SIGH my expectations are dashed. I’ll give him that it isn’t pretty on the outside the interior is the impressive and the knowledge gained in the use and modifications of arches. Heck, we aren’t really sure what it was built to do.

As my morning coffee grew cold I considered what I thought was a good basic education – a working understanding of how another language different from your own native tongue is structured, a grounding the the history of your predominate culture and introduction to other major cultures of the world (including art, architecture, mathematics etc), strong general science basics (biology, physics to include astronomy, chemistry), mastery of the basic grammar of your language, understanding of major literary works in that language (having read a few completely and introduced to others and their significance), basic economics (personal accounting, intro to various business systems), music at least two years on one instrument (including discussion of the math and physics of sound and how that is captured in written sheet music), physical education (including explanation of what exercise does what muscles to relate back to biology class), Geography (relating to history and general science as well as current political boundaries).

Okay maybe my expectation is a bit much but wouldn’t it be grand if we all got that as a foundation to start building our dreams…

June 24, 2013