Mary Louise Eklund

Tag: power

  • How to Disarm Namecallers

    How to Disarm Namecallers

    Sticks and Stones by Chad Fust on Flickr. Used under the Creative Commons 2.0 Attribution, No Commercial, Share Alike license granted.
    Sticks and Stones by Chad Fust on Flickr. Used under the Creative Commons 2.0 Attribution, No Commercial, Share Alike license granted.

    We all know the old rhyme “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me.”  We all also know how untrue that is.  We’ve all been hurt by an off hand remark or word shouted out by a bully to mock us.  Yet, I’ve learned something from my study of fighting – disarm your attacker.  I won’t go as far as to say then use that weapon against them – nope.  Just get it away from them.

    Nothing disarms bullies or someone trying to make you feel less than, than disarming their weapon.  Sure I’ve been called many things that could hurt but I’ll claim them all – bitch, sure you get between me and what I think is right and I won’t be friendly about it.  Nerd – yep I love and use knowledge as part of my every day life.  I don’t dumb down to fit in.  Nothing there to hurt me.  Geek – Sure I love pop culture, comic books, movies, fantasy, board games, and such.  I go to conventions about it at times.  I enjoy it because I find it relaxing.  I’m a geek and don’t mind the world knowing it.  Fatty – oh yes I’m overweight, however because of it I’ll pit my health knowledge of why that is what is nutritional balanced food, and effects of exercise on chronically ill, the body in different times of life and side effect of medications on metabolism and weight against yours any day.  Really when I claimed those words as part of my identity, they couldn’t be used against me.

    Noting deflates bullies or people who make fun of others than when you say “Yeah, I’m an asshole.  What else ya got?”  They are in it for a reaction.  They are in it to see you hurt.  When you hand it back as a mark of pride, you’ve disarmed them.  They can’t use it against you.  So I look at what they are calling me, and I see why I have a trait they may not like.  In the end, it’s more about them and their fears than me.  They don’t want to be a nerd – that’s not cool and the others might not look up to them.  They don’t want to a geek – because that’s not cool and makes them feel superior by belittling other’s tastes.  They don’t want to be fat – look at the media and see the fear of that, even thin models are extremely photo shopped to look even thinner.  They don’t want to be a bitch/asshole – because standing up for what they think is right might rock the boat and make them less popular, glamorous, or whatever.  In the end, name calling is about the person shouting out their own fears at you because you were brave enough to embrace who you are and they weren’t.

    Not claiming these labels to me is giving power to those who don’t deserve it (kinda like voting).  It’s allowing others to have undue power over you and your life.  Those I allow to influence me – earn that right and don’t use it to harm me.  So yeah I’m a bitchy nerdy fat geek and I like myself that way.  I’m also much more than just that!  C’mon namecaller give it a try you can name more of my traits I’m sure.

    Look at the words you avoid to describe yourself.  It is because they don’t fit or it because you fear what others will do with them.  If it’s others then may I respectfully suggest claiming that word as your own- make it a positive thing, not a weapon.  Then it can never be used against you, you’ve disarmed your opponent.  Once that happens I’d like to suggest another adage, “kill ’em with kindness.”  Don’t sink to using weapon words against these fearful people instead, be kind to them.  They fear you don’t abuse that power.

    Remember the power to disarm words comes in how YOU define them. Until next time!

  • Movie Comments – Disillusionment

    Movie Comments – Disillusionment

    The required US legal disclaimer: All images are the property of their owners I reproduce them here under the Fair Use Doctrine of the copyright law for commentary and critique.
    The required US legal disclaimer: All images are the property of their owners I reproduce them here under the Fair Use Doctrine of the copyright law for commentary and critique.

    We watched this movie recently and I enjoyed it greatly.  The Ryan Reynolds character comes to the realization of how dirty politics is through some brutal events.  The candidates aren’t the stars here it’s the back room men (yes they are white males) that are the stars of the tale.  The differences aren’t about ideals which are mocked but about what can “I” get, what can “we” get from doing this, or what damage can we inflict on the other side?   It’s not a pretty picture but it’s a fascinating one to watch.  Being a cynic wearing a hopeful human coat I could relate to the Ryan character.  However honestly it’s the Marisa Tormei reporter character that sums up my true thoughts.  Her statement in the bar to Ryan  near the beginning of the tale was the most eloquent and succinct statement of my thoughts on politics today.

    The painful disillusionment of Ryan’s character is interesting and powerful to watch.  I think any of us that have seen a few elections know how it feels on some scale regardless of what side of the aisle come your political leanings.  Oh of course it’s ramped up to add drama to the movie. The brutal crush of innocence and the innocent in the chase of the ultimate political power is a very old human story. To see it retold yet again with modern trappings is striking.  Like most tragedies you want to look away, to not see it. Yet you can’t.  I’m not sure if it’s morbid curiosity  morbid fascination, lessons of a cautionary tale, or hope of redemption that kept me watching.  I’d like to think it’s the latter but my gut said it’s the first and second.

    This movie isn’t action driven.  It’s a character driven tale.  It moves subtly and builds with small but emotionally impactful turns for the main characters.  Sometimes the off the cuff decisions change our life the most and that’s the start of this ride.  Those decisions don’t always change it for the better.  Once you see behind the curtain of how it works and what it takes to work you can’t unsee it.  The magic is gone and the brutal knowledge will change a person.  The question at the center of the movie is what will the main character do with his full knowledge of what goes on behind the curtain. THAT’S what kept me watching, THAT’S why I liked this move very much.

    The slow destruction and reconstruction of a character is something amazing to watch.  Good stories (as opposed to movie rides or comfort beach reading) are about the character arc – start here, experience story, then end there.  A truly good story leaves the characters irrevocably changed. The change doesn’t have to be for the better, but it is drastic enough they can’t go back to who/where they were at the beginning.  The Ides of March has that in spades for the main character played by Ryan.  The events of the movie make him a different man.  The tensions comes in not in the destruction of who he was but in the construction of who he is to be – what choices will he make, what events will push him to be that final incarnation of the character at the end.  The power of this tale was I wasn’t sure just what I wanted that reconstruction to be given the setting.  In the end I think Ryan’s acting gave us the answer unequivocally in his eyes in the final scene.  The new character steps into his next story a changed man.  The movie goer is left to ponder just what that change means.